Key Takeaways
- Agree, Don’t Argue: Engaging in arguments can cause frustration. Instead, focus on creating a calm and reassuring atmosphere.
- Accept Their Reality: Trying to use logic may not be helpful. Join them in their reality to build trust and connection.
- Support, Don’t Shame: Every interaction is an opportunity to preserve dignity. Avoid correcting or quizzing them, as this can lead to embarrassment.
- Use the Three R’s: When you need a simple, in-the-moment strategy, remember to Reassure, Respond, and Refocus.
Effective Communication Strategies for Supporting a Loved One with Dementia
When you’re supporting a loved one living with dementia, communication can sometimes feel like a challenge, especially when you’re trying to understand the difference between forgetfulness and dementia.
Adjusting your approach, however, can make a positive difference in your daily interactions and strengthen your connection. Understanding a few simple guidelines, often used in professional assisted living and memory care settings, helps create a more supportive and pleasant environment for everyone.
The three “golden rules” of dementia care are to agree rather than argue, accept their reality instead of reasoning, and offer support without shaming. These principles are not about changing the person, but about changing how you connect with them. And by shifting your perspective, you can find more meaningful ways to navigate the journey together.
Golden Rule 1: Agree Rather Than Argue
Why Arguing Doesn’t Help
Engaging in an argument with a person living with dementia often leads to frustration for both of you. Their perception of reality may differ from yours, and trying to correct them can cause agitation or distress, which often adds to the caregiver’s stress. The goal is to maintain a calm and positive environment where they feel safe and understood.
Focus on the Feeling, Not the Fact
Try listening to the emotion behind what your loved one is saying. For example, if they say they are waiting for their mother, they may be expressing a need for comfort. Instead of pointing out that their mother is no longer with them, you can respond to the feeling by saying, “It sounds like you’re thinking of your mom. Tell me about her.”
Golden Rule 2: Don’t Reason—Accept Their Reality
Join Their Journey
Because of the brain changes associated with conditions like Alzheimer’s disease, using logic to explain a situation can be confusing for a person with dementia. A more helpful approach is to meet them where they are. If they believe it’s 1965, you can ask them about their favorite song from that time instead of trying to orient them to the present day.
How Validation Builds Trust
Validating what a person says shows respect for their feelings and reinforces your connection. It helps build the trust that is so important in a caregiving relationship. This approach can de-escalate stressful situations and is a technique often used in professional memory care programs.
Golden Rule 3: Support, Don’t Shame
Preserving Dignity and Self-Esteem
It’s helpful to avoid conversations that could make a person feel embarrassed. These interactions can be challenging, and it’s important for family members to recognize the signs of caregiver strain in themselves, too. Every interaction should aim to preserve their sense of dignity and self-worth.
What Are Three Things to Avoid?
- Testing their memory: Asking questions like, “Do you remember my name?” can create unnecessary pressure and frustration.
- Pointing out mistakes: Correcting small errors can make a person feel self-conscious and less willing to engage.
- Using negative words: Phrases like “You can’t do that” can be replaced with gentler guidance, such as “Let’s try it this way instead.”
A Simple Framework for Daily Interactions
For a simple, in-the-moment strategy, you can use the three R’s. This approach is a cornerstone of many supportive senior living programs because it is easy to remember and apply. It can quickly help you navigate a challenging moment with grace.
Reassure
Start by helping the person feel safe and heard. Use a calm tone of voice and comforting words to let them know everything is alright. A gentle touch on the arm can also be very reassuring.
Respond
Next, respond to the emotion they are expressing, not just the words they are using. Acknowledge their feelings first before you address the situation. This shows them that you understand and are on their side.
Refocus
Finally, gently guide their attention to another activity or a pleasant topic. Consider a short walk, looking at a photo album, or listening to some favorite music. This shift in focus can help move past a difficult moment.
Building a Supportive Path Forward
How Professional Care Can Help
Navigating the changes that come with dementia requires patience and a willingness to adapt your approach. Communities that offer memory care are designed to provide a structured and supportive environment. Team members are trained in these communication techniques to help residents navigate their day with more ease and enjoyment.
Exploring Your Options
For some, assisted living communities that support residents with dementia can offer the right level of help. Families may also find that respite care, which provides short-term stays, offers caregivers a helpful break. These options provide a safe, engaging environment for your loved one.At Inspired Living at Alpharetta, we are committed to enriching the minds, bodies, and spirits of our residents through personalized care. If you have questions about our approach to memory care or other senior living options, we invite you to connect with our team. Contact us today to learn more or to schedule a personal tour.
